Movie Review: I Heart Huckabees F

BOY, this sucked. I would say it was the worst movie I've ever seen, except that I'm not sure that it qualifies, because, while it had some of the surface qualities of a movie, it somehow definitely was not a movie.

It did involve actors speaking lines on the screen. I do remember that much before I nodded off. What the hell they were talking about, or why, completely escaped me. And unlike a few other films that I didn't "get," I'm quite certain that the problem wasn't me. There simply wasn't anything to get.

This environmentalist guy keeps seeing this big African exchange student, so he decides the coincidence must mean something. Therefore he hires "existential detectives" Lilly Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman, who generally act like freaks. They follow him around everywhere to observe him. And Jude Law is in it as an evil department-store executive. And Mark Wahlberg is a fireman. And the fireman introduces them to another existential detective, who doesn't like the Tomlin and Hoffman characters.

That's pretty much the movie. If it were a movie. Which it definitely wasn't, somehow.