Movie Review: Open Water F

I can't believe the critics all like this movie. It sucked. SUCKED. It's been compared to Blair Witch (which I actually halfway liked) because of its low budget and lack of special effects, but at least Blair Witch had suspense and some interesting things happening throughout the film, even if the payoff was a little weak and the characters annoying.

Think of the most boring couple you personally know. Got 'em? OK, now imagine watching them float in the water for nearly an hour, yapping inanities all the while. Then they get eaten by sharks, only not in an interesting way. Yep: somehow they managed to use real sharks, yet make them about 100 times less scary than the styrofoam one in Jaws.

It also looked terrible, even for a "film" shot on video. Everything was fuzzy and lacking detail, and skin looked weirdly smoothed out, like the people were made of plastic. That was actually the scariest part of the movie.

Roger Ebert goes on and on about how the film shows the indifference of nature and how our lives hang by a thread. "It's a quiet film," he says, "...in which less and less happens as a large implacable reality begins to form." I agree about the less and less happening, but the only implacable reality that formed was that I'd completely wasted six bucks.